April 18, 2010
Josh Broward
Today we continue our series on the basics of Christian community, and I need to start with a disclaimer. In any church of our size, there are usually some conflicts brewing or hiding below the happy smiles and handshakes. Over the past few months, I have talked with some of you about various kinds of conflicts. Today, you might feel like I’m preaching at you in particular. You might feel like I’m aiming my pastoral guns right at your heart. You need to know that I chose this sermon topic in November of last year, and I already had in mind in November most of what I’m going to say today. This topic isn’t because of you. We’re talking about reconciliation because this is a fundamental issue for Christian community. We always need reconciliation.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
The most important Jewish prayer is about the unity of God: “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one” (Deuteronomy 6:4). There is one God, one Creator. There is one creation made by one God to live in one whole, loving relationship.
The great tragedy of our world is the breaking of this oneness. We have become fragmented. We are disconnected from God. We are disconnected from others. We are disconnected from our environment. We are disconnected from our very selves.
Jesus died for reconciliation. God died to bring us back to God’s essential oneness - whole and loving relationship.
Reconciliation is the heart of the Gospel. What is broken can be healed. What is separated can be rejoined. Enemies can become friends. Rebels can become sons and daughters again.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
Most of the time, we understand that God wants us to be reconciled to God. Yoni showed us the classic bridge illustration last week. We were separated from God, and Jesus gives us the bridge for reconciliation. Most of the time, we get that. We can be reunited with God because of Jesus.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
But most of the time, we stop there. We stop with being reconciled with God. We stop with asking God to forgive us. We stop with trying not to have problems in our relationship with God. Most of the time, we forget the rest of our relationships. Most of the time, we try to be reconciled with God without worrying about our other conflicts or broken relationships or disconnections.
But Jesus died for reconciliation.
God doesn’t stop. God doesn’t stop with our “spiritual” life. God doesn’t stop with our relationship directly with him. God doesn’t stop with our prayers and Bible reading and church attendance and giving.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
And that includes reconciliation in all of our relationships. That includes reconciliation with our parents, our brothers and sisters, our friends, our bosses, our neighbors, the people who have wronged us, people of other ethnicities, people who think differently from us, people of other religions. Jesus died for reconciliation in all of these relationships as well.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
In his last night before Jesus went to the cross, he prayed for his disciples and for us: “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me because of their testimony. My prayer for all of them is that they will be one, just as you and I are one, Father - that just as you are in me and I am in you, so they will be in us, and the world will believe you sent me” (John 17:20-21). Maybe our biggest problem is not that we’re too old fashioned or too new and liberal. Maybe our biggest problem is not that we don’t know how to communicate or that our music isn’t right. Maybe our biggest problem is that we aren’t one. “My prayer for all of them is that they will be one ... so ... the world will believe you sent me.” Maybe our biggest problem is that we are unreconciled. No wonder people don’t believe our “message of reconciliation.”
Jesus died for reconciliation.
“For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us... He made peace between Jews and Gentiles by creating in himself one new people from the two groups. Together as one body, Christ reconciled both groups to God by means of his death on the cross, and our hostility toward each other was put to death” (Ephesians 2:14-16).
Jesus died for reconciliation.
Human reconciliation is so important to God that he said we can’t be reconciled to him without it. Jesus said, “So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God” (Matthew 5:23-24).
Jesus died for reconciliation.
God won’t stop with being reconciled to him. When we are reconciled to God, when we draw close to the heart of God, we find our neighbor there. God loves our neighbor just as much as he loves us. We can’t be close to God and have hostility with our neighbor. It just doesn’t work.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
Remember Jesus’ story of the “unforgiving debtor”? The king forgave a man a huge debt. Then the man wouldn’t forgive a little debt from another man. Then, the king threw the first guy into prison. Jesus said that unless we forgive our brothers and sisters from our hearts, God won’t forgive us. (Matthew 18:21-35).
Jesus died for reconciliation.
But it’s even more difficult than that. Jesus said that even if people sin against us, it’s our responsibility to “go privately and point out the fault” so that we can “win the person back” (Matthew 18:15-17). Even if we didn’t do anything wrong, we still have to work toward reconciliation.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
So understand this clearly, if you hurt someone else, it’s your job to go and make it right. It’s your job to work for reconciliation in that relationship. You can’t just ignore the problem and be faithful to Jesus.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
In the same way, if someone else hurts you or sins against you or is breaking apart our community, it’s your job to work for reconciliation in that relationship. You can’t just ignore the problem and be faithful to Jesus.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
This is not some optional addition to the Christian faith. Reconciliation is at the heart of the Gospel. The Gospel is at the heart of reconciliation. Because God has forgiven us so much, we can forgive those who have hurt us. Because God has reconciled the world to himself, because God is making us all one in Christ, we can’t allow any rifts or brokenness to continue in our relationships. The Gospel is reconciliation. The Gospel is reconciliation between God and people and between people and people.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
Jesus said the two most important commandments are: “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Luke 10:27). Sometimes we think of this as vertical and horizontal. Love God (vertical). Love people (horizontal). Sometimes we think that if we have a problem here on the horizontal line, that doesn’t really mean anything on the vertical line.
But what Jesus describes is really more of a circle than two separate lines. There’s this big circle of love flowing between God and us and others. If there is a problem anywhere in this circle, then there is a problem in the whole circle.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
Maybe that’s why Jesus said, “Leave your sacrifice at the alter and go and be reconciled to your brother.” Maybe that’s why Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us” (Matthew 6:12). If there’s a problem anywhere in the circle, then there’s a problem with the whole circle. God has made us to be one.
Jesus died for reconciliation.
God has made us to be one, but sometimes we get confused about what that reconciliation really means. Many times we settle for substitutes of reconciliation.
Reconciliation does not mean sameness. We don’t have to dress the same, look the same, think the same, believe the same, vote the same, and act the same. Oneness is something different from sameness.
Jesus died for reconciliation, not sameness.
Reconciliation does not mean agreement. We are just going to disagree about some things. We may even disagree about some important things. But reconciliation means that we can still be one even though we disagree. We can be one in mission, one in mutual respect and love, one in following Jesus.
Jesus died for reconciliation, not agreement.
Reconciliation does not mean silence. Oneness does not mean never talking about our conflicts. Sometimes, when someone starts talking about conflict, others say something like, “Sssshhh! What are you doing?! Don’t disrupt the peace.” There’s no peace there. There’s just silence. Sometimes the only way to bring peace is to open up the conflict that is there under the silence.
Jesus died for reconciliation, not silence.
Reconciliation does not mean “kiss and makes up.” It’s not like we can just push people together like kids and make them hug and then everything is all better. We’ve all seen kids do the “kiss and make up” thing. Maybe that’s a step, but it’s not reconciliation. Sometimes reconciliation involves restitution or system modification. Sometimes, we have to go through the hard work to talk about what it will take for us to figure out how to become one again. What will it take for everyone to feel respected and cared for in this relationship? Sometimes, that’s hard, and sometimes it takes time to figure out what the solutions are.
Jesus died for reconciliation, not false peace.
Jesus died for reconciliation, and these half-way substitutes of reconciliation will never be enough for Jesus.
Let’s talk a little about the most common mistakes we make regarding reconciliation. These are the six NEVERS of reconciliation.
NEVER: ignore it. It won’t go away. Ignoring conflict is like ignoring cancer.
Jesus died for reconciliation; don’t ignore broken relationships.
NEVER: just pray about it. Yes, pray. That’s good. But then take action.
Jesus died for reconciliation; don’t pray and do nothing to solve the problem.
NEVER: gossip. Don’t go around talking about your conflict or other people’s conflict. Keep it to yourself unless you are seeking advice for reconciliation in a private setting.
Jesus died for reconciliation; don’t spread the brokenness around.
NEVER: talk to others instead of the person you’re really mad at. If you come to me with a conflict, the first thing I’m going to say is: “Did you talk to the other person?”
Jesus died for reconciliation; go to your brother and be reconciled.
NEVER: start angry. Wait until you are calm - even if that means walking out of the room and coming back later.
Jesus died for reconciliation; wait until your heart is ready for reconciliation.
NEVER: send an email. Email is a terrible way to resolve conflict. It almost never helps. It almost always makes it worse. Go to the person directly, face to face if possible. If you think you won’t be able to say what you need to say, then write a letter and bring it with you.
Jesus died for reconciliation; don’t send an email. Email is for chickens.
So what is real reconciliation? What does it mean to be children of the Gospel of reconciliation? What does real reconciliation look like? How do we do reconciliation well?
Admitting our own wrongs. Jesus said, “First get rid of the log in your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your own eye” (Matthew 7:5). Reconciliation begins with our own admission of guilt. Sure maybe we didn’t do the wrong this time, but we’ve sure been in the wrong other times. And, if we are really honest, we probably share part of the guilt this time, too.
Remember, Jesus died for reconciliation. It’s worth it.
Honest and personal discussion of the conflict. We actually have to talk about it. There’s no other way. We have to talk about what happened and why it hurt. We may not agree about everything. We might have different recollections of what actually happened. That’s OK. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. The important thing is that both people feel heard and understood.
Remember, Jesus died for reconciliation. It’s worth it.
Forgiveness. After we understand the conflict, we need to forgive the other person and ask forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we agree. Forgiveness means that we aren’t going to hold this conflict against each other. We aren’t going to let this ruin our relationship.
Remember, Jesus died for reconciliation. It’s worth it.
Restitution. We can be tempted to stop with forgiveness, but we also need to do the even harder work of repairing the damage and working to keep it from happening again. Without restitution, we will quickly return to the same conflicts. Restitution helps us change our ways.
Remember, Jesus died for reconciliation. It’s worth it.
Jesus died for reconciliation. Jesus died so that we could be one with God and one with each other.
Jesus died for reconciliation. Now, as followers of Jesus, he calls us to live for reconciliation. We have to be honest. This is a difficult way to live. But we also have to be honest and hopeful. This is a beautiful way to live, and this will change the world!
Questions:
When have you broken some of the “NEVERS of Reconciliation”?
Do you have an active conflict with someone?
Do you have some old conflicts that were never resolved?
How can you seek reconciliation today? What can you do TODAY to reconcile with someone?
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