Homosexuality: Reframing the Discussion (Sex Series: Week 3)

KNU International English Church

Josh Broward

November 15, 2009

Today we run the risk of misunderstanding each other. I want to begin by reading part of the statements on human sexuality in The Manual of the Church of the Nazarene and by our Board of General Superintendents:

The Church of the Nazarene views human sexuality as one expression of the holiness and beauty that God the Creator intended for His creation. It is one of the ways by which the covenant between a husband and a wife is sealed and expressed.[1]

The Church of the Nazarene believes that every man or woman should be treated with dignity, grace, and holy love, whatever their sexual orientation. However ... We stand firmly on the belief that the biblical concept of marriage, always between one man and one woman in a committed, lifelong relationship, is the only relationship within which the gift of sexual intimacy is properly expressed.[2]

This month we are trying to understand our sexuality in all its God-given beauty. Today, we are continuing to teach the holy love for God and for people which the Church of the Nazarene has always upheld. I just want to make that clear at the beginning.

I have been preparing for this sermon for more than a year. Throughout this process of reading and studying and praying, I have also thought about my friends and family members who are gay.

Sarah’s uncle is gay and lives with his partner in a long-term, loving relationship. We have stayed in their home more than once, and they showed our family great kindness and hospitality.

My cousin is gay. Her “wife” experienced severe and sustained sexual abuse by men. Now, as an adult, she is physically unable to eat foods that remind her of sex with men. Pickles, hotdogs, and mayonnaise all make her vomit!

Throughout this year, I have been talking with “JiHye.” She dated guys most of her life, but while at our church, she “came out of the closet” as a gay woman and began dating other women. She finally felt so uncomfortable in our church that she stopped attending. When I asked JiHye what I should say today, she said that I should put a human face on homosexuality.

To help us think about real people, I want to stop and hear a story from “Michelle.” Michelle no longer attends our church, but she sent us a letter telling us her story.

--- Michelle’s Story ---

After becoming a Christian at the age of 20, I had a strong desire to live for God with all my heart. God led me to Cheonan and to KNU International English Church. I love this church because of its vision to care for outsiders.

A few years ago, I met a woman with whom I could talk freely about our dreams and our passion for God. We became best friends. Gradually, I found out I had very strong feelings toward her, but I wasn't thinking that I might be gay. To be honest, I didn’t agree with homosexuality since my background told me it is a sin. However, I realized that my feelings for her were becoming even stronger than before, stronger than the feelings that I have had toward any of my ex-boyfriends.

But I also found that deep in my heart there were some worries and guilt. It was kind of like you know you are having a baby, but, at the same time, you find out that the baby has no way to be born.

We tried to cut off the relationship. I tried to hang out with men. I tried to date them. However, the more men I dated, the stronger my feelings for her became. I realized that I could never love a man like I love her. But I thought, “At least, I can be single for God.”

Then, I tried something new. Up to this point, I always asked God for His grace and forgiveness about my feelings toward her. But, now, I asked God to show me the truth about this issue. I began to ask myself and God: “Is homosexual practice really a sin, or is this just a human rule?”

When I put away all my opinions which were formed by society and my background, and searched the truth for myself, I began to change my mind. It seems to me that adultery is not simply about physical sexual actions. It's about loyalty and relationship. If we love someone with genuine and sincere heart, we will be faithful and loyal to that person.

I feel that the one thing I can do is to love. I know I will never fully understand what is truth or not until I stand before Him. So I only can pray to Him for right guidance. And I feel like God isn't saying I'm on the wrong track. On the contrary, it seems like God has confirmed this path through little bits of evidence, which come slowly one by one.

After identifying myself as a lesbian, I found that it feels right inside me. I have known this woman for three years, and we see each other as our life partners. I feel so lucky that there is someone who can dream for God with me, love and share about God together, and keep company with me in this wonderful world. Because of her love for me, I am starting to love and to appreciate myself more fully. That helps me love God more.

In the past, I was one who was strongly against homosexuality, but now, it seems like God is making me see things in a new way. Now, I understand what it means to be an outsider, and I, myself, will always love and accept outsiders with the love of God, not judge them by my limited knowledge.

I’m not saying that I agree with Michelle’s conclusions, but I think it is helpful for us to hear her story. This is someone from our own church who has wrestled with her own sexual orientation.

Before we go any further, I want you to stop and think about someone you know who is gay. It may be a friend or a family member or a coworker or some famous person who is gay. Get somebody’s face in your mind right now. Today we aren’t just talking about homosexuality – a hot topic issue, which starts fights and divides churches. We are talking about that person – your friend, my cousin, people in our church.

My goal today is not to say something about homosexuality. I don’t want to tell you what I believe or what the Bible “says.” If I do that, you will probably agree or disagree with me and then stop thinking.

My goal today is to start a conversation – or to restart a conversation about homosexuality and the Bible and Christianity. In Western culture, our conversation has collapsed into a shouting match. In Korean culture, there isn’t really a conversation about homosexuality. People just pretend it doesn’t exist. Today is a day to change that.

But we need a new framework for our conversation. We need to be able to listen and really hear people’s hearts. We need to be able to talk without shouting. Today I want to suggest some basic ideas about how to have a genuinely Christian conversation about homosexuality.

First, God does NOT hate homosexuals. On behalf of lovers of Jesus everywhere, and on behalf of God, I want to apologize for the way some church people shout hate-filled messages condemning gay people. I am sorry. That is not what the Bible teaches. God loves everyone everywhere always!

Second, we need to be careful with our vocabulary. The highest leaders of the Church of the Nazarene explain it like this:

The Bible says nothing about homosexuality as the term is often used today. Homosexuality is often used today to describe a person’s sexual orientation. The Bible does not address homosexual orientation. What the Bible does talk about are homosexual acts. … Sexual orientation is not usually a willful choice. …It is amoral, neither moral nor immoral. Sexual behavior is a moral choice.[3]

We need to be very careful about the words we use. When we talk about what the Bible says, we need to talk about homosexual practice not homosexuality.

Why is this important? Many gay people connect their sexual orientation with their identity. If we say, “Homosexuality is wrong,” for a gay person, that sounds like or feels like we are saying, “Who you are as a person is fundamentally wrong or evil.” Some gay Christians decide that the most faithful thing they can do is to stay single and celibate. They give up sex and marriage forever because of their deep faithfulness to the Bible. It is terribly unjust and illogical for us to say that they are wrong or evil.

Third, we need to understand a little sociology. Way back in the 1950s, a scientist named Alfred Kinsey concluded that it is too simplistic to think only in terms of heterosexuals and homosexuals. Instead, he suggests 8 different categories: [4]

People tend to identify as gay or straight, but they may have feelings or experiences going the other way.

Experts say it is very difficult to gather accurate data on how many people are gay or bisexual. As far as I can tell, about 5-10% of the global population is predominately homosexual. Sometimes, people say, “There are no gay people in Korea.” But Naver estimates that Korea’s population is about 5% gay and 10-20% bisexual.[5] If our church is fits these statistics, then 10-20 people who are gay or bi are in this room right now.

Maybe we should stop for a minute and read a story about another time when the Church dealt with a hotly debated topic. Let’s read Acts 15:1-22.

So let’s compare a little. Then, in about 50 A.D., there were only 20-50,000 Christians in the whole world. There was a central, unified leadership structure in Jerusalem. They called all the leaders together and hosted a long discussion, and they reached a decision in the span of one meeting.

But now, we have 2 billion Christians scattered all over the world. We have thousands of denominations and leadership structures. On the hotly debated issue of slavery, it took well over 100 years for Christians to reach a unified consensus. On the issues surrounding women’s liberty, Christians have been arguing for more than 100 years, and we are just now beginning to reach consensus. But, as some people here will tell you, that debate isn’t over.

In many ways, the global Church is in a similar debate about homosexuality. This debate cannot be settled by one group of Christians in one culture. The discussion must involve all of us, and that takes time. This discussion is probably only 30-40 years old, so we will probably be talking about this for a long, long time.

So then, the natural question is: How do we have good discussion in the Church?

First and foremost, we need HUMILITY. Brian McClaren was asked, “How should Christians … address the issue of homosexuality?” He said: “First, before we say or do anything, we should pray for wisdom … There's a big difference between being right and being wise… When the issue of homosexuality comes up, people quickly say, "What about Romans 1? What about Leviticus? What about 1 Corinthians 6?" I want to say, "Well, what about 1 Corinthians 13? What about James 3?”[6]

OK. So, let’s read 1 Corinthians 13 (verses 1-7) and Jame3 (verses 13-18).

Throughout this discussion, we need to be deeply loving, which means being patient, kind, polite, and hopeful. Throughout this discussion about homosexuality, God calls us to be deeply wise, which means being humble, helpful, gentle, peace-making, merciful, and sincere. If we lose this basic stance of humble love and humble wisdom, we have gone astray.

Secondly, we need: COMPASSION. We need to remember that we are talking about real people. We need to remember the struggle that these real people experience. Most gay people don’t choose to be gay. Most gay people would rather be heterosexual like the majority of people. Most people only acknowledge their inner homosexuality after a painful struggle and years of denial. We need to be very careful about the stones that we throw.

Third, we need COMMITMENT TO TRUTH. William Coffin makes a painful realization: “Most, if not all of us, tend to hold certainty dearer than truth. … Uncertainty is one of the heart’s greatest fears. So fearful, in fact, is uncertainty that many insecure people engage in what psychiatrists call ‘premature closure.’”[7] We need to care so much about truth that we avoid “premature closure.” We need to consider the possibility of rethinking a few things.

But this discussion is still not a free-for-all, at least not for Christians. As Christians we are deeply committed to finding truth in the Bible. The Bible is our ultimate guide for faith and practice.

However, that doesn’t make the search for truth simple. We can’t just lift a sentence out of the Bible and say, “God said it. I believe it. That settles it.” The Bible says some pretty wild things sometimes. The Bible says God told Israel to attack the Amalekites and to kill them all: men, women, children, and babies (1 Samuel 15:3). Do you want to be in that army? Another part of the Bible says women should always wear a “head covering” every time they pray in church (1 Corinthians 11:1-16). Ladies, did you bring your hats today?

Now, I’m not trying to make fun of the Bible. All I’m saying is that it can be difficult to understand what this book means to us thousands of years later. It simply won’t do to be simplistic. We need to acknowledge the complexity of the Bible even as we dig deeply into the Bible in our pursuit of truth.

When we actually start studying the Bible, we will find out surprisingly that homosexual practice is not a major theme of the Bible. In terms of total content, the Bible is much more concerned with other ethical themes like justice, sharing with the poor, being a supportive community, and honesty.

In fact, there are only five texts that directly address homosexual practice. The Bible specifically prohibits homosexual practice in four places: Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10. But all of these texts raise other difficult questions. What about the other laws in Leviticus? Do we still have to follow those? What about the New Testament rules in the same lists? Do we kick people out of the church if they are greedy or get drunk? Who decides what is too greedy or too drunk? I’m not arguing with the Bible here. I’m just pointing out that this is a difficult process.

But the most powerful text against homosexual practice is in Romans. Let’s read Romans 1:18-32.

“Conservatives” read this passage and say, “See, homosexual practice is always wrong because it is against nature.” “Liberals” usually say two things: “First, what if someone is born with gay DNA? Then, being gay would be with their nature not against it. Second, what if homosexual practice is in the same category as slavery and male domination of women? What if we need to reinterpret the Bible on gay marriage as well?” And conservatives and liberals start arguing back and forth, back and forth, and they start shouting and getting angry and calling names and sending each other to hell.

We get stuck in Romans 1, but we really need to keep reading to Romans 2: “You may think that you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself. For you who judge others do these very same things” (2:1-2). And then, we need to go on to chapter 3, “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard” (3:23). And on to chapter 5, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (5:8).

We tend to enter this debate from the “moral high ground,” feeling like we are better than the people who disagree with us. We feel like we have the right to judge other people as sinner or hypocrites. But we don’t. We are in the midst of this discussion about homosexuality and Christianity, and we are all standing in the same place. We are all sinners whom God loves.

Nazarenes around the world have been asking a lot of questions about homosexuality. Last year, the Board of General Superintendents issued a small pamphlet talking about how we as a church should deal with this issue. At the end of the booklet, they answered the question: “How do we show God’s grace to homosexuals …?” Their answers paint a beautiful picture of where God is calling us as the Church of Jesus Christ.

1) Love unconditionally. … God does not love someone any less simply because he or she is a homosexual. It is hypocritical for us to do so.

2) Be Available to Come Alongside In the Complexity of the Journey. Resist the ever-present temptation to make this a simple matter.

3) Teach the Truth and Communicate Hope. … The people of God may well be the only place left in the world where homosexuals can be loved and hear the truth of God.

4) Provide a Grace Community of Hospitality and Formation. … If the homosexual community offers a better welcome than the people of God, a struggling person will seek help from that community. If we, as the church, immediately condemn our homosexual brothers and sisters without taking the time to get to know them and to share God’s love with them, we may turn them off from the church and from God for good. Homosexuals need the church, and they matter to us because they matter to God.

If the church wants to get serious about helping the homosexual seeking to be a Christlike disciple, we must think in terms of consistent, rich hospitality. … We cannot expect a person to “go deal with this and come back when you have it settled.” One of our best means of grace is the hospitality and character formation in the fellowship of the church. God grant our church grace to be such a community.[8]

It is my hope that this discussion today will be one more step toward helping us be a community of grace. My great prayer is that we will be a loving community where all people are welcomed, where all people experience God’s transforming grace, where all people become more like Jesus, where all people can participate in God’s great mission of changing our world. God grant our church grace to be such a community.

---

[1] The Manual, “Human Sexuality: 37.”

[2] Board of General Superintendents, Church of the Nazarene, “A Pastoral Perspective on Homosexuality,” 2008, http://www.nazarene.org/files/docs/Perspectives_Homosexuality.pdf.

[3] Ibid.

[4] “Kinsey Reports” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports, downloaded 11.12.2009.

[5] http://academic.naver.com.doc_id=6518310

[6] “7 Burning Issues: Gay Rights,” Relevant Magazine, May/June 2008, downloaded 8.11.2009. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/features-reviews/god/1457-7-burning-issues-gay-rights.

[7] William Sloane Coffin, “Liberty to the Captives and Good Tidings to the Afflicted,” Homosexuality and the Christian Faith, ed. Walter Wink, (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1999), 105-7.

[8] “Pastoral Perspectives on Homosexuality,” Ibid.

Sex Myths: Marriage and Singlness (Sex Series - Week 2)

KNU International English Church

Josh Broward

November 8, 2009

Kevin Leman is a Christian marriage counselor. He often travels around giving marriage seminars. One of his lectures is called, “What Every Parent Ought to Know about Sex.” He always begins this seminar by asking a very simple, straightforward question: “What do we call penises in our society?”

Silence … dead silence. Leman says once a lady on the front row elbowed her husband and asked, “Bill, is he talking about piano players or what?”

Leman keeps pushing: “Come on, what do we call penises in our society? Better yet, what did your mother call your penis, men?” You know when she was giving you a bath, and it was time to wash that part, what did she call it?

So, he starts asking for a show of hands: “How many people called it a ding dong when you were growing up? A pecker? A wiener?”

Eventually the awkwardness starts wearing off and people start shouting out words: peter, pokey, the thing, ying-yang, dork, dink, pee-wee, boy part, private part, schlong, junk, piece, unit, rod, pee-pee, tee-tee, thing-a-majig. If he were in Korea, somebody would say 고추 (or pepper).

By this time, people are laughing so hard they are crying. And then, Leman reads a quote from another psychologist. “There is no reason ‘that a male [child], who points to various parts of his body and ears his parents say, “nose,” “eye,” “hand,” “toe,” should suddenly hear strange [evasive words] when he points to his genital area and hears “pee-pee,” “pee-wee,” “wienie,” “teapot,” … to cite only a few. Then he soon discovers that he is never to use the word around anyone outside the home.’”

All of these cute, funny names for a penis (and let’s not even get started with talking about the names we give to the “girl-parts”) – all of this sends a message to our children and to us that sex is dirty or secret or shameful. Sex is not something we can talk about. We can’t say the real names of our body parts, much less talk about what they do.[1]

Today, we are continuing our series on sex by talking about marriage and singleness. I want to do some myth busting today. We are going to talk about the top 10 sex myths in today’s world and what the real truth is.

Sex Myth #1: We can’t talk about sex. After last week’s sermon, we got two main comments: (1) That was interesting, and (2) That was really awkward. Honestly, I felt a little awkward, too. I pretty much never get nervous preaching anymore, but I was really nervous last week. It seems that we are basically out of practice when it come to talking about sex.

Truth: We need to talk about sex. I don’t agree with everything they say, but Salt and Pepa really got it right when they said we need to talk about sex.
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex …
Let's talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Because that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be

If we don’t talk about sex, it becomes this big secret and a “forbidden fruit” that everybody wants to get a piece of in the dark when no one is looking. But if we talk openly and honestly about “how it is and how it could be … and how it should be,” then we shine the light of truth on the subject. We de-mystify it and at the same time reveal its amazing beauty within healthy boundaries.

The Bible talks about sex in all its beauty and romance. Let’s start with reading Song of Songs 4:1-5:1.

Sex Myth #2: Sex begins in the bedroom. Imagine this scene. The wife finally gets the kids in bed, and now she is finishing the last of the dishes. The husband is relaxing on the couch, watching the evening news. The wife goes into the bedroom to change into her pajamas, and a little bell goes off in the man’s head, followed by an announcement on his internal intercom: “Wife in bedroom. Wife undressing. This is your moment. Proceed to sex.” The man is shocked when the wife isn’t interested.

Truth: Sex begins in the kitchen. Men, if you want your wife to be more interested in sex, try doing the dishes first.[2] When we were in the USA this summer, we were in target, and I was looking through the book section. I saw this really interesting book called, Porn for Women. The whole book has men doing simple little things to show love and care for their wives. They are vacuuming, doing the dishes, feeding the baby, bringing her a drink. They have a whole series: Porn for New Moms, Porn for Women of a Certain Age, XXX Porn for Women: Hotter, Hunkier and More Helpful around the House.

The basic truth here is that women need to feel loved and cared for before they want to have sex. Sex begins with the little things: taking time to hug and cuddle a little before leaving for work in the morning, leaving a love note on the counter, asking how her day was (and really listening!), helping with the house work, going for a walk together – whatever it is that your wife wants and needs, give it to her. You’ll be glad you did!

Sex Myth #3: Men and women are basically the same. If we are honest, most of the time, we think that the other person does or should think, act, and feel the same way that we do.

Truth: Men and women are fundamentally different. I saw a nice picture of how this works for sex. Men are simple: on or off. Just turn the switch. Women are far more complex.

Men are like waffles. Inside our brains, there are these little boxes. There is the work box, the sports box, the family box, the sleep box, the sex box. And the parts of our lives go into these boxes and nothing touches.

But women are like spaghetti. Each issue is one noodle, and everything is connected. If you take one issue – like sex – and follow that noodle around, it touches work, sleep, kids, mom and dad, what she saw on television that night, whether or not she has gained or lost a pound, what her friend said to her on the phone, and whether or not she found fresh tomatoes at the grocery store that day. To men, that looks like a big mess, but for women this is the natural beauty of living as a deeply emotional being.

Because men are like waffles, men are also like microwaves. Once men switch to that sex box, it doesn’t take very long before they are ready to go. Moving into sex mode ……bing! Ready!

However, since women are like spaghetti, they are also like Crock-Pots or slow-cookers. It usually takes them a while to get warmed up.

Now microwaves are good for some things. They are great for when you don’t have a lot of time. But nobody wants microwaved food every night. And if you try to microwave food that belongs in a Crock-Pot, one of two things is going to happen. Either you are going to get so-so food that nobody is really happy with, or the Crock-Pot is going to get up and walk off.

Men and women are just different. We need to learn those differences and embrace them to have good relationships. The real key to good sex is not good technique but good relationships.

Sex Myth #4: Everybody knows how to have sex. It’s true that almost every teenager or adult understands the basic process of sexual intercourse – insert object A into slot B. However, that doesn’t mean they really know how to have sex well.

Truth: We have to learn how to have sex. Kevin Leman, that marriage counselor I told you about at the beginning, he says that only 2% of couples who come to see him feel like they have had an adequate sex education.[3]

I’ve shown you this book before, but it’s one of my favorites, so I want to show it again. It’s called Everything Men Know about Women. On the back cover it says, “Fiercely frank and brilliantly insightful, this work spells out everything men know about such topics as: making friends with women, romancing women, achieving emotional intimacy with women, making commitments to women, satisfying women in bed.” On the front cover, it says, “Fully reveals the shocking truth!” Open it up … it’s all blank, 100% blank pages. Men don’t know anything about women or sex!

Learning to have good sex is like learning to play a musical instrument. It takes time and practice. You need to get to know the guitar or the violin, understand how it works, how to hold it just right, where to put your hands … and once you get some practice and training and maybe some music theory, you can make some really beautiful music.

Sex is like that. It may not be “sweet music” at the beginning. But two of the most important virtues for good sex are hope and perseverance. Keep practicing. Keep learning together. Maybe read a good book on sex (preferably from a Christian perspective). I highly recommend Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. After some time and practice, the two of you will learn to work together to make music you both love.

Sex Myth #5: Good girls don’t like sex. This is an old, old myth. The myth is that men are sex fiends – crazy for sex, thinking about it all the time, but women are basically opposed to sex or at least indifferent. The myth is that sex is just something a woman does for a man – like washing the dishes or sweeping the floor.

Truth: Really good girls love sex. For example, listen to what the woman in Song of Songs has to say about sex: Song of Songs 2:1-8, 16-17.

She obviously loves sex. She is excited about her body, her husband’s body, and the idea of having sex together: “Return to me my love, like a gazelle or a young stag on the rugged mountains” (2:17).

But the truth is that many women have to learn to like sex. Most women don’t have good role models when it comes to sex. Their mothers didn’t like it or at least didn’t talk about it, so they expect that they won’t particularly enjoy it either. Also, some studies show that 1 out of every 4 women has been sexually abused.[4] Even more have had bad sexual experiences. For many women, it just takes time to get over a painful sexual history.

But here is a surprising truth for men. The most important thing for HIM is HER pleasure. When the woman is having a good time, the man feels great. This is blunt, but here it is. Most men enjoy the woman’s orgasms more than their own orgasm.[5] When a woman really loves sex, that strengthens a man’s ego and confidence – and his affection for his wife. Women, if you want to make your husbands really happy in bed, the most important thing you can do is learn to really, really like sex.

Sex Myth #6: Once you get married, you don't have to worry about sexual temptation. When I was single, I thought, “Ah, I can’t wait until I get married and I don’t have to worry about feeling tempted sexually.”

Truth: EVERYONE has sexual temptation. We need to be wise.

Proverbs 5:1-8, 15-19

I highly recommend that men and women alike read the book Every Man’s Battle. It was very helpful for me. We all face sexual temptations. Proverbs says, “Don’t even go near the door of her house.” Be careful what you are thinking about. Be careful what you are watching – even if it’s just a normal movie. Is watching that sex scene in the movie really going to help you be faithful to your spouse or live as a faithful single person? Be careful. Be wise. Sometimes, we just need to shut down certain thoughts before they go too far.

Sex Myth #7: There is one right person and one right time to get married. Every culture has different standards for how and when we get married. Some cultures push for young marriages. Others push for older marriages. Some cultures push for founding the relationship on romantic love, and other cultures push for marriages that are basically arranged around convenience and timing.

Truth: God works differently for all of us. Romantic love and timing are less important than character and commitment. The right time for you to get married might be earlier or later than the norm in your culture. That’s OK. After prayer and consideration, you might decide to marry a good friend without those wild, head-over-heals, madly-in-love feelings. Those feelings are nice but not essential. The most important thing here is to be open to however God is leading you.

Sex Myth #8: Good Christians get married. Often, we present getting married and having babies as the only faithful path for real Christians. If that's true, then Jesus was a bad Christian.

Truth: Singleness is a good option. Listen to what Jesus said about this.

Matthew 19:1-12

Maybe the most Christian – the most Christ-like - thing to do is to stay single. “Some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom” (19:12). Jesus kind of says, marriage is for the people who just couldn’t hack it as singles. Let’s never, never, never make someone feel bad or less important because they are single.

Let’s hear what Paul has to say on this subject.
I Corinthians 7:1-9, 32-35

So Paul’s summary is that we should do whatever will help us serve God better. If being single will help you serve God, be single. If being married will help you serve God, get married.

I decided to get married for two basic reasons. First, um … how does Paul say it, “It is better to get married than to burn with lust.” I would have burned in hell as a single man! Second, Sarah really does help me serve God better. She helps me to be a better friend and a better pastor. Also, I was head-over-heals in love with Sarah, so that helped a lot!

Sex Myth #9: Single people have no outlet for their sexuality. Sometimes people think if they aren’t “getting some,” then they have no means to express their sexuality.

Truth: Sexuality is holistic. Our sexual organs are not the only parts of us that are sexual. Our sexuality is rooted deep within our personhood. Our sexuality is expressed through a wide variety of activities: friendships, sports, writing, art, poetry, play, music and more.

What we need is not “to get some action.” Sometimes, what we really need is to stop spending so much time in front of the computer or TV. We need to feed our souls and emotions through a wide range of activities and experiences that touch our emotions, challenge our minds, and offer us physical contact and relationships that aren’t leading to a bedroom.

Sex Myth #10: Mistakes are forever. Sometimes, Christians talk like sex is a super-sin – like it’s the worst of all possible kinds of sin and that anyone with sexual sin is forever damaged, relationally hopeless, and probably going to hell just as soon as God can get his lightening ready.

Truth: We have scars, but God gives healing. Most of us have done things we wish we hadn’t done. Things went too far. We wish we could go back and undo those actions, but we can’t.

The city of Las Vegas has a marketing slogan: “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” This isn’t true. What happens in Vegas or Seoul or Cheonan comes home with us. It is in our memories, in our hearts, in our minds, and – sometimes – in our bodies.

But that isn’t the end of the story. In the Old Testament, God has many names – mostly based on how people experience him. A few weeks ago, we read Hagar’s story and how she started calling God “El-Roy” or “God Who Hears.” One of God’s names is “Jehovah Rapha” or “God Who Heals.”

Our God is a healing God. He takes our broken messed up lives, and he pours his grace on us and restores us and puts our broken pieces back together and heals our wounds. No matter what you have done, no matter what has been done to you, no matter if you are satisfied with your sex life or if you feel like it is crap, God loves you. God cares for you. God has a future and a hope for you. God can bring healing in your life and give you peace and joy and healthy relationships. The truth is … we all need to be healed.

---

[1] Kevin Leman, Sex Begins in the Kitchen (Ventura, CA, USA: Regal, 1981), 141-2.

[2] Ibid, 8.

[3] Ibid, 143.

[4] “Child Sexual Abuse 1: An Overview,” downloaded 11.6.2009. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=410&Itemid=336.

[5] Kevin Leman, Sheet Music.